by Alicia Deavens
When I was younger, my family use to go to church every Sunday. I developed this idea that the things I learned were for Sunday’s only. I should act good on Sundays and Monday through Friday I could do what I wanted. I also had the idea that since God was so good that He would never let us go to Hell. I figured that God had a scale and that he would weigh it all out. On one side he would put all my good deeds and on the other he would put the few wrong things I had done. Since I was basically a good person and had done more good than bad, it was easy to see that I was Heaven bound. After all, I had never sinned. Sins were big things like murder and stealing.
I WAS WRONG !!!
It took me a long time and a few sleepless nights to realize I was wrong. I was never really sure what would happen to me and even though I had the Bible… I was afraid to read it. That all changed when someone told me that God is perfect and can not tolerate sin. They referred to the verse Psalms 66:18 where it says that if I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear me. I was shocked because I had always learned that God hears all things. Well, I was right partially. God hears everything but because we are sinners, that is all … He just hears it. I thought of all the things that I had prayed for and the fact that He did not want anything to do with me because I was a sinner. I came to a realization that when I sin, it hurts God. At that point, I saw God as another person. I envisioned Him as my dad or one of my grandfathers and I saw myself doing things to hurt him and it broke my heart. I would never hurt my dad or grandfathers and it became hard to believe that I willfully did things to hurt God.
After that vision, I began to pray. I told God that I was sorry for all the sins that I had committed whether I was aware of them or not. I told Him that I wanted to be His and I wanted Him to cleanse my heart and thoughts of all wickedness. I told Him that I wanted Him to use me and I did not care how. I asked Him to save me from Hell and that I wanted to live in Heaven. I told Him to use me as He wanted to, even if it meant that He rolls me into a ball and slams me against a wall and I splatter to my death. I also asked Him to use me without my knowledge because if I know it, I would ruin the preciousness and purity of His purpose with me.
I received confirmation from Jesus, that I had been accepted into His kingdom for eternity. Eternity meaning duration without end. I can not explain the confirmation except that it was more than just a feeling, it was more than physical knowledge, but it was from God. It was a spiritual awakening. Everything was different, the sun rose different, the grass was different, even breathing seemed different. I began experiencing things from a spiritual perspective.
To this very day, I do not rely on myself to do anything in order to keep my eternal salvation. I rely solely on my acceptance and understanding of the knowledge of the fact that Jesus willingly died for my salvation. It was His sacrifice that paid the eternal penalty that I created by sinning against an eternal God. My trust is not in my imperfect self, but in the perfect one who took my place in the penalty box. Now I am saved, from that first day forward, I am saved.