Everything Yet Nothing

by Krystal Kovach

Have you ever felt like you had just about everything, but in your heart you had nothing? I did! I grew up in a loving home with wonderful, Christian parents. We weren’t rich, but they provided what we needed, and, for the most part, we were happy. I had just about everything I could ask for, but there was still something driving me to get more.

No matter what I got, it wasn’t good enough to satisfy that inner craving that I had for true happiness. Playing sports didn’t help, getting a great boyfriend didn’t help, and having lots of friends or wearing the best clothes didn’t help. Since I had gone to a Christian school all my life, I knew all about Jesus and how He ‘saves’ you (takes all the bad things you’ve done and forgives you for them, and comes into your heart and makes you a new and better person).

I thought I was saved. After all, I wasn’t that bad, and everyone who knew me thought I was saved, so surely I was. But, then, I started having some doubts. People started talking about being sure of your salvation, and asking questions like, ‘If you died tonight are you 100% sure you would go to heaven?’ Well, I couldn’t really answer that because I wasn’t that sure, but I was doing good things, so I thought I must be saved. I finally got so worried about it that I talked to one of my teachers. She asked me to go back to the time when I had supposedly asked Jesus into my heart. She asked me if I had really trusted Jesus to save me or if I was just trusting in my works. She reminded me of what the Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9 ‘For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works lest any man should boast.’ Well, I tried to come to some peace about it in my mind, but I couldn’t really remember it. I knew then that I had never really been forgiven of all the bad things I had done, and I was trusting in myself.

I went home and thought about it. I wanted Jesus to come into my heart and to forgive me, but I was afraid to ask because what if I really didn’t trust Him this time. Then I would think I was saved again, but I wouldn’t be, and I would go around thinking I was, and it would just cause me more and more anxiety. I was miserable. I couldn’t trust Jesus, but I couldn’t ‘not trust’ Him. I finally wrestled with it long enough. I decided that I wanted to give my life to someone who could give me peace. The only person who promised to do that was Jesus. I knelt and told Jesus I was sorry for my sins. In Romans 10:13 it says, ‘For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.’ I trusted that He could make the payment my sins required because He died on Calvary. I asked Him to come into my heart and to save me. Instantly I had a tremendous peace in my heart. I don’t know how to describe it except that I felt instant relief. It was so wonderful. I now have a wonderful life with my family and friends, but most of all with Jesus. Now I don’t have to search for something to satisfy me-I already have it. Jesus never gets old or boring. He constantly fulfills all my needs. Wouldn’t you like to have this peace too?

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